Having been involved in so many of my nieces and nephews’ lives since the moment they arrived, I felt like I had enough down to feel fairly confident having my own baby.
In some ways that was true. I knew how to change diapers and dress my baby. I knew different calming techniques and how to burp. There was quite a bit I could do with confidence.
However, there were some things I was completely unaware of that just threw both me and my husband for a loop.
1. That you may literally need to wake your baby up in the night to feed if they don’t wake you up first.
Your baby needs to be eating every 2-3 hours in the beginning with the exception of the 4-5 hour window after the baby is born when they go into recovery mode and just sleep pretty hard. In that case you let them do their thing and sleep as much as they need. After that, you need to diligently ensure they are eating every 2-3 hours until they are showing they can eat well and have hit a certain weight.
I was thoroughly under the impression that you let the baby take the lead on this at least for breastfeeding and let them sleep until they wake up on their own to feed.
Which means you are setting an alarm for every 2-2.5 hours to make sure not only that they are eating well but that you aren’t getting engorged. There is no such thing as babies sleeping through the night right away.
It felt pretty quick that I graduated up to being able to wait every 4ish hours to feed and then graduated to letting him do his thing and wake me up as he needed.
2. Their first pee may be red. It might look like blood. It’s apparently normal….
My midwife that we hired for the home birth also provided newborn care so she came back to our home for a 24 hour check up after he was born. Her timing couldn’t have been better as she showed up right after we changed his diaper and there was something red in the diaper.
I immediately thought that it was blood and must mean there is something wrong with his kidneys and I began to spiral.
She showed up to inform us that it was actually totally normal and was just urate crystals and it’s something that clears out of the system with those initial pees. He was still filling his diapers regularly and it never happened again.
Crisis averted!
3. The umbilical cord may not come off all in one
After about 4 days his umbilical cord sort of came off. It was still attached by just a small string which we were told to take some scissors and just cut off.
That was a really gross feeling by the way….
Also, it hadn’t fully come off the skin and was also super irritated. Considering he wasn’t displaying any other problematic symptoms, we just kept it as clean and dry as possible but it took a few weeks before it finally resolved itself all the way.
4. They can lactate…yes even your son
We were completely stunned when we took him in for his circumcision appointment (which we didn’t end up following through on), and the doctor pointed to his chest and asked if we noticed how swollen they were. We had but just thought it was normal and weren’t really concerned about it.
Turns out it is normal, but the reason for it is because babies can lactate… even male babies. They get so many hormones that come through the mother’s milk that they produce milk and with a little pressure it can actually come out of their nipples. Not that you should try to procure the milk from their bodies but any pressure can cause it and lead you to seeing wet spots where they leaked.
Talk about 2 shocked parents!
(These hormones that baby is receiving can also cause a ton of baby acne until everything regulates)
5. It may not feel how you expected it to feel and that’s okay
For years prior to having a baby of my own, I had heard many stories of women getting these rush of emotions when their baby arrives. That they felt overwhelming joy and intense love washing over them.
I did not get that.
Don’t get me wrong, I love my baby. I was ready to meet him and finally put a face to him and was happy that he was here. But I didn’t get the rush, the intensity, the switch flipped.
It felt like nothing had changed emotionally in the ways I expected. I loved him as much as I did when he was in my belly. There were other changes that felt more logical than emotional and there were obvious physical changes that I was going through.
The only thing is I really didn’t want to be separated from him. He had been with me for months and I wasn’t ready to let go. I didn’t really want to shower because that meant he was in a different room. That morning my husband offered to take him to the living room so that I could sleep in the bed and get more rest. I was very tired and wanted to sleep but I didn’t want to be in the other room away from him so I went out to the living room and laid down there. I was even hesitant to sleep because I just wanted to soak in all of these first moments in my son’s life. (I do know that even this is something that some women don’t experience and want some alone time soon after birth).
Suffice it to say that there is no right or wrong reaction or feeling to having your baby. It may not be what you think it will be and it’s okay to feel sad about that even. I know I did. It doesn’t mean you are a bad mom or that something is wrong with you.
Something to Note:
It is worth mentioning, that Postpartum Depression is a very serious and sneaky thing. I was, as well as my husband, advised by my midwife to look out for apathy toward the baby and caring for the baby but my reaction to my baby’s birth alone is not concerning. If you have any questions or concerns regarding Postpartum Depression, talk to your doctor or midwife about the signs so that you can tackle it early on.